Austin is our resident Southern imported soda enthusiast. He enjoys sodas produced out of the country and comparing and contrasting the subtle differences between drinks such as “Red Lemonade” (from the green hills of Ireland) or “Fentiman’s Dandelion & Burdock Soda” (from the beautiful bogs of England). I decided to sit down for a minute with Austin and try to figure out which soda is superior to them all.
“So Austin, thanks for taking a minute to talk to me about your gastronomical passion: soda.”
“So, out of all the sodas we have, tell me – which is your favorite?”
“Isn’t it obvious? San Pellegrino Aranciata. Screw Lemon.”
“Oh, really? Such a classic choice. If you could describe this soda in three words, what would they be?”
“Absolutey. Fucking. Amazing.”
“Wow. Bold words. I find it interesting that your choice is a soda that is so widespread, and isn’t something more exotic or fanciful. Why do you think Aranciata is superior to all other sodas?”
“Because. It works every time.”
“Truer words have never been spoken, my compatriot. When you drink this soda, does it evoke any specific imagery for you?”
“Definitely. I’m on a canoe, going through an intracoastal waterway. It’s quiet and calm and a grey heron is flying overhead.”
“I’m crackin’ open the Pelle to take the edge off. You gotta beat the tide, you know.”
“Totally. Is there a song playing in the background?”
“Yes. ‘The Great Salt Lake’ by Band of Horses.
“Great. Well, thanks for talking to me today, Austin. I appreciate your candor and honesty.”
And there you have it. Words of great wisdom from someone who spends most of his paycheck on canned soda. And there are definitely more ridiculous ways to spend your money. Tune back in next week when I ask other coworkers questions about the foods they like. It’s gonna be a “thing.” Yeah that’s right. Don’t act like you don’t like it…